There is no room for me to run to,

no quiet corner to hide my sorrow.

The walls that once held me

are gone.

I have searched for refuge—

sat in stillness,

waited in silence—

but no shelter formed around me.

Even the places I flee to

do not keep me.

A father without love,

a voice that said

you are not enough.

To him, I am nameless—

a body for his ending,

not a soul he ever held.

What is a father

who does not soften?

What is a voice

that does not bless?

Where do I go to weep?

I swallow my tears like prayers

I’m afraid to speak,

hoping—quietly—

there is still a shoulder

meant for me.

Still…

You see them.

You hear the cries

I do not speak.

If there is a place for me,

lead me to it.

If there is a refuge,

let it be found in You.

And if there is a shoulder

meant to hold me—

let me not pass it by.

~~~~Authors note~~~~

I wrote this back when I lived with my father. We were about to move out and he came to talk to me in my room. He told me to my face the I wasn’t enough for him to change. That I wasn’t enough to try. I wasn’t surprised by that in a sense. The fact he said it out loud was what really hurt. So I wrote a poem about some of my feelings. How it felt to live with him up till now.