I still remember that one day

that day I stole a pencil sharpener

just to take out the blade

the day I found a rusty nail on the ground

and I risked it just to feel something

the day i used a plastic knife

In hopes

that it would cause me relief

but it didn't

yet I kept seeking for that relief

I remember

the day

I stood on the edge of that bridge

by the creek

I used to play in as a child

tears were rolling down my face

I was scared

but still determined to find that relief...

my phone chimed in my pocket

just as my sneaker inched forward

my first instinct was to not check it

but I did

it was a missed call from my best friend

I had been gone from school

for 3 days

and yet she was the only one who noticed

she saved my life that day without even knowing it

without even knowing

about the blood dripping down

onto this paper

I write this very poem on

with even knowing

why I wear a hoodie every single day

without even knowing

how badly I wanted it all to end

she saved me

I almost jumped

and she saved me

still

after that day i kept seeking that relief

hoping

that my mother

wouldn't walk in

and send me back

to the mental hospital again

yet now

I've been clean for two years

I still stare at the scars on my wrists

and my legs

and I vividly remember

chasing that high

chasing that numbness

chasing that

sweet relief.